Last One

Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote. I'm getting ready to move and that takes up a lot of my free time.

Since I am moving to Denver I feel like I can't keep this blog up anymore. I will no longer be diapered in Hawaii. Maybe once I get settled in Denver I will start another blog, I'm not sure yet. But today I want to say some final thoughts to wrap this blog up. 

First off know that there is so much more I wanted to say. I had probably 6 or 7 different blog ideas in my head about day to day life as a diaper lover that I won't be able to mention. Ideas such as the ongoing debate amongst men diaper wearers if shaved or not shaved, the difficulty of diaper changing in public restrooms, my dream of hanging out in just a diaper and a tshirt, and so much more. But alas, time is not our friend. 

But I think the overall point of this blog has been reached. I wanted to give an insider view point of what it is like to wear diapers. I wanted to help those with family and friends who wear to understand a little bit more. Because every AB/DL's worst nightmare is how people will react with they find out. Will they be understanding? Will they be condescending? Will they treat us differently? 

For those of you who are AB/DL, I hope this has helped. It took a lot time for me to be ok with myself as a DL and I hope it isn't the same for you. If you haven't already, join an online forum for ABs and DLs. There are many out there. My favorite is DailyDiapers (hyperlink here). They have many different subforums so you can meet others with your likes and dislikes. 

For those of you who don't wear, I hope this has helped you understand more about the AB/DL community. If you still have more questions or are still a little curious, check out the forums too. Just make sure if you do, be nice and polite to everyone. 

And if you ever have any questions at all about anything diaper related, please feel free to ask me. I probably won't check this blog too much more, but email at   lathorium55@gmail.com   I will answer any question with respect, no matter how dumb you think it is. 

I wish you all the best and thanks for reading. 

Roommate Rant

I am pissed. One of my roommates, we are gonna call him Jeffy, stepped way over the line last night, and I am going to do my best to describe the situation in a good manner so you guys understand the gravity of what it happening.

To really understand, you must know how the Mormon Church operates. We don't have a paid ministry, all of us "regular" members of the Church voluntarily offer our time and abilities to run the ward (parish). But we don't volunteer for the position. One of our leaders, who also is volunteering his time, asks us to fulfill a certain role or calling, be it a teacher, a nursery leader, or even a leader over adults. We have the choice to say yes or no. We do that calling the best we can, and then at some point we get released, and we get called to help out somewhere else. Because we are asked to do it, and the calling isn't permanent, most people don't get boastful about what they are doing. And we shouldn't. Everyone in the Church is just some "regular" members, just humans doing the best they can with what they are given. The leaders don't aspire and fight their way to their leadership position. They are asked to do it for a couple years, then they are done.

So Jeffy has a leadership role, more or less. He is the advisor to someone in a leadership role. And he likes to remind us all the time about his calling, always trying to make himself seem more important because of what he is doing. We, his roommates, have gotten used to this and just kind of tune him out when he starts talking.

But what he did yesterday was way worse than this, but with the same intent.

A couple of my roommates weren't born and raised Mormon. They joined the Church later in life. Every now and then they talk about what their lives were like before joining, crazy parties they used to go to, some of their favorite drinks that they miss, pot, etc. But with all of their talk about it, they are always happy with their decision. They don't deny their past, but for them it's just that, their past.

Another one of my roommates, born and raised Mormon, has been disfellowshipped. This means that he has made some kind of big mistake, but not big enough to be excommunicated, or completely throw out of the Church. This just means that he can't have a calling, can't say prayer, and can't take the sacrament, the bread and water, for a certain time frame. He has interviews with various leaders during this time frame, and they help him repent and work his way back to how he wants to live his life. Now he doesn't talk to Jeffy during this process, but Jeffy knows who has been disfellowshipped because it is his responsibility to find people for certain callings.

Yesterday Jeffy told people about how terrible these roommates are, and how he is so much better than them because of what they have done in their past.

This is like a Catholic priest going around after confession and telling all of your friends how he is better than you because of your sins. WAY out of line.

The roommates who weren't born Mormon just shrugged it off, they have always been open about their past life, and they weren't struggling with that life anymore. But my roommate who was disfellowshipped was way hurt. He is one of the nicest guys I know, and he doesn't deserve that type of treatment. His wife walked out on him and his little brother committed suicide within months of each other. He has had a hard hand dealt to him, and he messed up somehow. Big deal, we are all human. But Jeffy tries to play it off like he is better than him, and he broke the confidence that leaders are supposed to hold.

We talked to the people above him to explain the situation, needless to say he isn't in that position anymore. We also talked with our landlord, and he isn't living here anymore either.

Stuff like this reminds me why I am getting my own place in Denver.

Ship My Pants

For some reason this commercial from Kmart has become popular in my house. My roommates and I keep quoting it at random times and it's freaking hilarious.

So a couple of nights ago we were getting together to go treasure hunting (with a metal detector we go up and down beaches and parks, mostly finding change and jewelry) and I happened to be wearing a diaper at the time. One of my roommates, trying to be funny, said, "Lathorium you can ship you pants right now!" And I just laughed a little bit on the inside because the truth was, I could.

Life Isn't Our Own

There is a famous quote from John Donne, "No man is an island." I have been thinking about this a lot because of my decision to leave Hawaii and move to Denver, Colorado.

The decision to leave my current work was actually pretty easy. They have been promising to promote me for quite some time, but yet I see no results. A couple weeks ago I asked my boss when I was going to start training and he gave me such an arbitrary answer, that I decided enough was enough. I am a college graduate working part time in a kitchen, it is time for me to find a real job.

But those who know me are quite baffled by my decision to move to Denver. Most of them I give the basic answer of that is where a lot of companies are hiring right now. In fact I already have quite a few interviews lined up for when I move. Then again I am confident enough in myself and my abilities that I could find employment in anywhere, well, at least any big city. This answer, though, is just partly correct. I mean since when do we have only one reason to do something?

The deeper meaning to why I chose to move to Denver comes from the quote I mentioned earlier from John Donne, "No man is an island." (This actually comes from a poem that he wrote that I decided not to include because it seems to be more about death.) We are all tied to other people around us, family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc. Some of these ties are stronger than others, and as I continue to progress in life I start to see how quickly and effortlessly these ties can be broken and forgotten. So if there are people in our lives that we want to be continuously tied to, we have to do something about that. We have to make a conscious effort to stay tied together.

This got me thinking, who do I want to be connected with? If I am going to be sharing my life and even my identity with other people, who do I want them to be?

My family. (Sorry my Mormon is coming out.) I grew up used to having family live far away. There is a nine year gap between my oldest sister and myself, so my clearest memories come from when she was already in college. So being far away from my siblings and my parents never has really been that big of a deal. But something happened this year at Christmas. I spent about a week at my sister's house, trying to spend as much time with my niece and nephew as I could. I fell in love with them, and I miss them terribly. I definitely want to be close to my family, but more so with my niece and nephew than anyone else. They don't live in Denver, but they live in Salt Lake, which is a cheap flight away from a fun weekend with their uncle.

The nice thing too is that my brother lives in Salt Lake too. (Like I said my Mormon is coming out.) We were never that close as kids, but after high school we got really close. We bond through gaming (cards, video, boards, sports, etc.) even when we suck at it, and watching and quoting Family Guy. We are the only ones in our family that speak Spanish, so we have fun with that. We even used to live together. Ever since I moved out here we don't talk as much, and I miss that. He got married a couple months ago, and I don't really know his wife that well. That is something that I plan to change when I move.

But what about my friends? I have gotten to know so many people in my time here, but no one is staying. My old roommate, who was my roommate the entire time I was at school here, is moving back to Taiwan at the end of this year. All of my current roommates that I have gotten close to are moving out in May, most of them permanently like me. I can go on and on, but the point is that I am not the only one leaving, so I don't feel like I am leaving anyone behind.

And I do have one friend in Denver. I have already talked about this friend and what she means to me on here quite a bit. So I will limit today to just saying, her friendship is worth fighting for.

Getting Excited

Do you remember a while back when I said I order a custom diaper off of etsy? Well just a couple days ago I got a message from the seller that the mushroom is done. This is the picture she sent me

I am so excited for when it is finished. She told me that it should be about a week or two. Yay!

Discrediting the Myth

I am not sure where this myth came from, or why people would even believe it. Anyone who has ever worn a diaper would tell you otherwise. Yet, on all the Yahoo! Questions, or any other new to diaper forums, about wearing a diaper there is always one dingus who says it. This is the myth, that after wetting a diaper, it gets cold.

The only reason I think that someone would ever fathom that a wet diaper would get cold is by comparing it to a swimsuit. But they are very different. A swimsuit isn't designed to hug your body, at least for guys. But more importantly a swimsuit doesn't have the plastic outer layer. This layer is designed to keep all of the wetness within the diaper. For disposables it is actually part of the diaper, and for cloth diapers, well, you wouldn't even dream of wetting a cloth diaper without a pair of plastic pants on. So this plastic outer layer not only prevents liquid from getting out, it prevents air from getting in. No air = no coldness. It is just that simple.

That being said, if the diaper leaks, then yes it will get cold.

Ok, so now I want to share something a little bit more personal. My own preference. There are many diaper wearers that prefer to wear their diaper wet, some even to the point that they will wet as soon as they put on. There are others who prefer to wear their diaper dry. For me it depends on the diaper. Most of them I like better dry, like my two Tena brands and my cloth diapers. My ATNs I think are a lot more comfortable wet. And my Abena M4s I like both wet and dry.

But what it really comes down to is convenience. I don't set out to wet my diapers usually. Most of the time when I wet I have to go and I just go. For example the other day I went down to get my car worked on. I go to a mechanic shop about 30 minutes out of the town I live in. I decided that I wanted to go diapered. On the way back I filled up with gas because gas is cheaper down there. When I stepped out to fill up, I had the urge to go. So while I was standing there pumping my gas (here in Hawaii there is no flip thing to automatically fill your car, so you have to hold it while it fills), I went. So instead of having to wait the 30 minute drive home, I was able to go.

First Kiss Diapered

Yep that happened last night. Here is the back story.

So as you guys who read this know, I have been fighting my own insecurities the past couple weeks. And I have been getting pretty good at the techniques that I listed previously. They are almost becoming habits now. But I don't want to get comfortable. From the great movie of Tommy Boy, "...you're either growing or you're dying, there ain't no third direction." So the beginning of this week I challenged myself to kiss a girl. I had to prove to myself that I could do it.

Well, ya I did it. I will admit it was kinda lame the way I did. I talked to a friend of mine and I told her a little bit of when I was going through and she was having similar problems. We both had relationships with people that we needed to get over, but yet we both were having problems with it. We both agreed to a NCMO, a common BYU phenomenon, a Non-Commital Make-Out.

It was weird, there is no getting around it. But it worked, at least for me. I can now, and did, talk to the last girl I dated and be friends with her because I don't have her mouth in the back of my mind anymore.

But I wouldn't do it again. Granted, the kiss was great. But I didn't feel anything. Yes there was the physical arousal, but that was it. And there is so much more to life than just the physical. So next time I kiss a girl, it will be because I actually feel something for her. I can't wait for that.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I was wearing my cloth pull-up diaper last night when we kissed.

The Magical Crinkle

Today after work I just felt like diapering up. I watched the newest Family Guy and now I'm watching The Blind Side. But that's not what I wanted to say. You see there is a part of wearing a diaper that brings a smile to my, and most other diaper wearers', face. The crinkle. That magical sound every time I shift around a little. Tonight as I have been wearing I have been moving on purpose just to hear that crinkle. I can't really explain why I like it so much. Maybe it's because it reminds me that I'm diapered, supported, and covered. 

There are a couple problems though. I have to be careful when I am not by myself. I can't be giving my secret away to my roommatess and friends. The other problem is that the crinkle doesn't last. After wearing for a while the diaper forms to my body and doesn't make as much of a sound. Over time the crinkle is lost. 

The worst part though is that only disposable diapers have the crinkle. For those of you who read this I am currently switching to cloth. The benefits are just amazing, they are way more comfortable and they are way cheaper in the long run. I'm still making the switch, but maybe I will keep a couple disposables for when I want that crinkle. 

Just feel like it

Sorry it's been awhile since I last wrote but this past week has been amazing. Since last week I have spent a lot of time on websites dedicated to mental health, mainly focusing on fighting feelings of insecurity. The steps that I found have been helpful. 

The first step I took was to find the beginning of my insecurities. Find out why and how they started and work on them from the root. I found my main source of insecurity, well at the least the most recent and therefore the easiest to fix, came from a situation I was in back in December. It would take a long time to explain, but basically the problem was I didn't understand, really understand, what the other person involved was going through. Now I am beginning to. And with understanding comes healing. Healing in the fact that it wasn't only my faults that caused the problems, but both of ours. In fact what I used to think was wrong with me I laugh at now. 

The next biggest step I took is actually little steps I have to do multiple times a day. Thought control. Every time a negative thought about myself passes through my mind, I disprove it. This is a constant battle all day long, but it yields great results. 

This third one might get a little preachy, just as a fair warning. This last tool I learned from teaching from my church. In Mormonism we talk about the sin of pride quite a bit. I'm not talking about being proud of your son or daughter doing well in school or whatever. I am talking about look at me I am so much better than you. But that isn't the only face of pride. Self pity is another. Self pity, focusing on your own problems and thinking that they are more important than anyone else's. That pride can be just as self destructive. That is what I was doing. To offset that habit I have started to do one random act of service everyday. That could include giving a roommate a ride to class as I go to work. It's a little out of the way, but it helps take the focus off I of me. Or helping out my boss at her son's school's silent auction. Again, it has helped. 

I have tried other steps and ideas, but these three have worked the best for me. I feel better about myself than I have for some time. I would like to thank my friend, you know who you are, for your support and for the rude awakenings. You helped me more than you can imagine. I would also like to apologize for everything bad I have ever done to you. 

Anyway, like I said I am feeling better than I have for awhile. It has gotten to the point that I wear diaper just because. Like right now, I had a fun time at the auction last night. I had a good day at work today, everything went very smoothly. I got home, showered, and was like, "I feel like diapering up tonight."  I don't feel down or depressed. I was feeling good before I diapered up and I'm feeling good now. 

Wrong Dog

There is an old Native American proverb (I'm not sure which nation) that explains we have two dogs inside of us. One dog represents good and the other represents bad. These two dogs are constantly fighting, and the one who will win is the one we feed more. From my last post, it is obvious I have been feeding the wrong dog.

I am not sure exactly how to go about this, but I am going to feed the right dog from now on. I am going to try to have a more positive look on my life. Any suggestions?

*Update*
So I have spent a lot of time today reading a bunch of stuff on the internet about fighting depression and insecurity since I think these are my two biggest problems. Sadly the majority of them are pretty vague, not really offering any real advice. But I did get a couple things out of it.

First was to take a look back to see what happened. I haven't always had these feelings, and the idea is to find what changed. To look back and find the cause in order to clean it out. This will of course take some time and serious self reflection.

Second is physical exercise. I already swim laps a couple times a week, but it isn't very regular. I am going to try to set a set time for when I go and make it more of a routine.

Other than that I just have vague ideas of how I want to improve my life. Because I don't like how it is right now. 

I Like Me ... Kind Of

I have never been good at remembering people's names. The way I see it is that who a person is has nothing to do with their name. Their character and their behavior is what I like to find out about a person before I even tried to remember their name. You see I studied cultural anthropology in college and I learned how to learn about people. I like to see what people think and why they think that way. And their name just doesn't change that.

But earlier this week I realized something. I still think that a name changes how I see a person. But thats not the point. A name is important because that is how we identify ourselves. When someone asks us who we are, we give our name. We define who we are by our names. It becomes part of who we are. How we see ourselves makes a big difference. It shapes our everyday lives in every way possible, especially with other people. 

Once I came upon this revelation, I started doing some self reflecting. How do I see myself? What are my strengths and weaknesses? And more importantly do I even like who I am?

This I think is a big part of living a happy life. Being able to see inside yourself and like it. If you can do that, then nothing can stand in your way.

I just don't know if I do. I have tried this week to find what defines me and whether or not I like it. There are many different ways to do that. First off, vocation. This is the main way that people define themselves in our modern world, and my job sucks. I'm basically a PART TIME fry cook. I mean ya, there is a little bit more involved because I am in training for a manager like position (I think) and I am helping with some new recipes and construction, but when it comes right down to it, I am a fry cook. Not even full time. So I am not too happy about that part of my life.

Then there is the Mormon side of me. My religion has always been a great part of my life. But now as I get older and I am still single, it kind of sucks. Let me explain this better. I still feel great strength from my faith, but I feel pressure from everywhere to get married. Every time an old mission companion Facebooks me, it's always, "Oye Avery, ya te casates verdard? Quien es tu esposa?" (Hey Avery, your married right? Who is your wife?) Or there is always the Bishop, Stake President, and other various leaders always trying to put together activities to get us together, or always talking about how important it is to rush off to get married. And reminding us that as long as we put God and Christ first, everything will work out. Right. Because married life is all about riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after. So I have that fun pressure coming from Church to get married. But I can't even see myself in a relationship, let alone a marriage (maybe later I will talk about this more, because I am really starting to think that I won't ever get married. Long story, I will save it for another post). So I am not too happy about that part of my life either.

There are parts of my life that I like. For example I like where I live, I like my new to me Wii and playing Super Smash Bros with my roommates. I like making the random midnight trips to Walmart.

But for what makes me who I am, there is really only one part that I am truly happy about right now, and that is my diapers. I am happiest when I am wearing. I am able to express myself here better than anywhere else. I feel support from people all around the world as they share their experiences and advice on diaper forums. Even as I was buying a cloth diaper on a website from a private seller, she was extremely nice and supportive. This part of me I like.

When I got out of the shower today after work, I looked into the mirror and I couldn't find the strength to tell myself that I like who I am, because I am not sure if it is true. I have a lot I need to work on...

Sexuality Rant(ish)

*Just remember this is coming from a virgin who will be staying a virgin until he gets married*

The idea of sexuality has been on my mind of late, for various reasons. For those of you who don't live in the island paradise of Hawaii, just a few months ago gay marriage was legalized. For those of who you do live in the island I don't want to get into any political debate of how it was run or anything like that. Instead I want to talk about our view as human beings on sexuality.

To you avid readers out there, you know that I am Mormon, a conservative, Christian religion. And I live in an area with a lot of Mormons. Back when the law was going through the Senate and the House, there was much discussion about the issue. When people approached me about my opinion, most were appalled that I was for gay marriage. The awestruck, deer-in-the-headlights look would always follow my answer, along with the question, "Lathorium, are you gay?" (Just as a side note, I can't even count the number of times people have asked me that question, and I think I know why.)

We are taught this binary form of sexuality that I just don't think exists. There is this idea, and it is very strong in the Mormon community, that you are either gay or straight. And bi is just for those people who can't choose. When is human life this simple? When is it ever just one thing or another?

As I look around at online diapered forums, I see links to other fetishes and lifestyles. I browse through them and I like how sexuality is defined there. Instead of a binary form, gay/straight, it is more open. People are allowed to explore who they are and what they like, however weird it may seem. I personally am very happy for online diaper forums, it's through one of them in particular DailyDiaper.com . It has been from the support of people on this forum and reading their stories that I have been able to accept myself as a DL.

So this is my new way of looking at sexuality. You have what is known as vanilla, typical heterosexual couple. And then you have as many flavors as you can imagine. The best part is that just as in cooking, you can make up your own to fit your own desires and needs. The way I see it, as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, who cares? If it makes you happy it makes you happy.

I almost forgot. The reason why I think a lot of people ask me if I am gay is because I am not vanilla. Yes I am straight, but I also have a diaper fetish. And I hope to include this fetish with my wife someday.

Oh Sh*!

Just as a little back story, I did laundry yesterday. Part of that laundry included my prefold diaper that can't be dried in a dryer on the same setting as the rest of my clothes. So I hung it up in the clothesline in the garage that my landlord has set up. It takes a long time to dry, so I left it up all day yesterday. This morning I went to get it, and it was gone. It wasn't on the line. I'm thinking that my landlord took it off since it's his clothes that are now on the line. I have to go get it from him now. That will probably include explaining to him what it is, if he doesn't already know, and admitting to him that I wear. Little scary

Wait, what?

I'm not sure how this happened. I didn't even want it to happen because I'm sure I couldn't handle it mentally or emotionally if anything comes from it. I'm not even sure how long I will be living here in Hawaii because of all of the resumes I have been sending all of the world for what I call "grown-up" jobs. You know, full time, salary paid, with benefits and everything.

So there is this girl. We are in the same ward (Mormon term for parish) and she introduced herself to me on Sunday and I felt a little chispa. At the time I didn't think anything about it. But then I saw her across the room at Institute (type of college religion class for anyone), and I felt it again, and a little bit stronger. That feeling really took me by surprise. I was actually spending a big part of the class building up the courage to ask her out, with some help from my white squishy friend ;) But by the end of class she left before I got a chance.

Now I'm gonna spend my time thinking about it, whether or not I should ask her out. She is cute, and seems really nice. But could I handle dating someone? Or even harder, could I handle an actual romantic relationship? I like to think that I can...

Taxes and Etsy

It's that time of the year again, that very boring time of the year to fill out taxes. And I have to admit that this year is the first time in my life that I have filed my own taxes. You see my parents have claimed me as dependent all the way through college. I told them that if they were going to claim me as dependent, they had to do my taxes. Since I was being claimed by them, I would always get like at most $100 back, so the time it would take wouldn't even be worth it. This year though, I am going to get about $1500 back from state and federal. And that is with taking off work for 3 months for an internship. Not bad at all.

And while I have been filing, I literally just finished, I was wearing my Baby Pants Pull Up cloth diaper. I didn't really plan to wear it while doing my taxes. I just put it on this morning, and since I had a couple of hours before going to work, I figured I would just get it done. It was funny because I posted on my Facebook how I feel like an adult since I am finally doing my own taxes. What I didn't mention is that I am wearing diaper too. Maybe not too grown up yet ;)

Another funny thing happened today while wearing my diaper. I went shopping at Costco today with some friends. While going around I saw an elderly lady buying some Depends. It was just funny to think about going up to her and explain where she can buy better diapers.

Anyway, I found this website called Etsy a couple of days ago. They have a lot of custom made things. And just casually I asked one of the sellers on there if she could make a Mario themed adult cloth diaper. She has been amazing friendly and professional about it all, and in probably about 6 weeks I am going to get a red cloth diaper with an embroidered 1up mushroom on it. I am very excited about it. If the quality is good I am definately going to refer her into the diaper community.

That being said, if any of you who read this are actually into diapers, make sure to check out
https://www.etsy.com/?ref=si_home
There are a bunch of cool cloth diapers and onesies and other things like that on here.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

So it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. There are probably at least some of you out there that are like me, single. In fact, I have never been in a romantic relationship during this time of the year. Even worse last year's Valentine's Day I asked a girl out and she stood me up. So normally my attitude about this day is something like this

I am not sure exactly what happened, but I just don't care anymore. I am single and I DONT want to be in a relationship anytime soon. It's weird, ever since I started liking girls I have always wanted a girlfriend, of course not just any girl, I had to you know, like her. But not now. I have comfortable and happy being single. Needless to say, diapers have helped a lot in getting to this point. And also Frozen.

Ya, Frozen. That movie helped remind me that there is more to life than romantic love. While it is great and wonderful, there are all types of love, and Valentine's Day is about that too. I will be celebrating Valentine's Day tomorrow by calling and talking to all of my family members. I will be celebrating by kicking the crap out of my roommates at Super Smash Bros, sharing some brotherly love. I am genuinely looking forward to Valentine's Day for the first time in my life. Thank you diapers, and thank you disney, and especially thank you Idina for your amazing voice.

Day Off,

Today is my day off from work and I want to share how awesome it has been so far. It started with getting out early yesterday. We cleaned fast enough after closing that we got out a full half hour early. After work I headed over to the pool to swim some laps. Because I had the extra time, I ended up doubling my workout routine, including swimming a half mile nonstop. Felt really good afterwards, though I am a little sore today.

Anyway, after swimming I came home to shower off all the chlorine. Then I started my laundry, and since I was the only one home, I decided it was time to try my new cloth diaper, a Leak Master prefold. Before I got this one, and I'll write a review about it later, I only had the Baby Pants pull up style cloth diaper. This Leak Master is a prefold style, meaning I had to use safety pins to put it on. It was really hard to do by myself. First off the size is kinda small on me, I probably should have gotten the large instead of the medium. But seriously it was really hard to put it on, even with tips from various people online. I think over time I will get better at it.

Once again though I was impressed with how comfortable it was. If anyone out there reading this is a AB/DL and hasn't tried out cloth diapers, I strongly recommend giving it a try. They are better on the environment and your wallet. Think about it, instead of throwing away your diaper after using it, you just put it in the wash and its good to go again.

Back to my night. So after I finally got this diaper on, I played some Super Smash Bros, put away my laundry, and went to bed. Sadly it was raining before I went to sleep. I figured, alright we got 2 more weeks of rain again. I was so wrong. I woke up this morning to nothing but sunshine. Since all of my roommates were at school or work, I walked around this morning in nothing but my t-shirt and diaper with plastic pants on. It was kinda fun. I ate a Costco muffin for breakfast, changed, and headed out to the beach to enjoy the sunshine. Waves were a little weaker than I hoped they would be, but after swimming I took a 30 minute nap in the sun, and that felt amazing.

After the beach I came home and called my dad because its his birthday. Then I started working on a dessert for tomorrow. You see the majority of the guys that I live with are single so we decided to have a Super Smash Bros party. Everyone is gonna bring some food, and I am gonna kick their butts because the 64 is MY system. They just don't know it yet.

Anyway, like I said, I have been working on this dessert, for about 4 hours now. Its an ice cream cake kind of. The recipe is for what is called Grasshopper's Pie, but I am doing it a little bit differently. First off, I am Mormon and I don't drink, so there is no alcohol in it. Also, since it is Valentine's Day tomorrow, I used strawberry ice cream instead of mint chocolate chip. So I am calling it Lady Bug's Pie. Right now I have finished the crust, ice cream, frosting, and cool whip. I am just waiting for the cool whip to freeze so I can add some chocolate shavings and chocolate chips on top. It is going to be amazing.

And it just started raining, so glad I went to the beach at the beginning of the day.

Product Review: Baby Pants - Adult Training Pants

So this is the first cloth diaper that I have tried. I bought it with some doubts. First off it is a pull-up style diaper, which in the past I haven't liked as much. Plus it was my first cloth diaper so I wasn't too sure about it. But the reviews on amazon were amazing for it, and Baby Pants is a company I have used before and I have been very pleased with their products.
The first time I tried these on, I was impressed. They have the great feeling of bulk that I have come to love from wearing diapers. The fit was right one, not too tight, but not falling off either. And so comfortable, the material is made of cloth. The only thing I didn't like about it is the tag.

You see how that huge tag sticks out the back? That does not help one who is trying to be discreet. In case you can't tell what it looks like from this picture, this is what the tag looks like

Like I said, very hard to be discreet if this tag is sticking out of my pants. So every time that I wear, I make sure that this thing is covered. Though I have to admit that there is a little thrill with the idea of being "discovered"...
Anyway, getting off topic. Basically, from the first time I wore these, I loved them. The best part was that I could keep wearing them. I just throw them in the wash, and bam they are good to go again. These are gonna save me a lot of money in the long run.
The next thing I had to do was test their absorbency. While I don't wet diapers that often, it is good to know how much they can hold. First downside of any and all cloth diapers is that you need to have a pair of plastic pants with them in order to wet. A little bit of a pain. So once my plastic pants came in, I gave these a try. And once again I was very impressed. They held quite a bit, especially for a pull up.
So for all of you AB/DLs out there who read this blog, I recommend Baby Pants Adult Training Pants. They are very comfortable and absorb quite a bit of liquid.

Doing Better

For those of you out there that read this blog I want to apologize for the gap since my last writing. Since my blog "Reflection" I have felt a lot better about myself. In reality nothing has changed about my life. I still work at the restaurant, I still have trouble meeting people, and I still do feel pretty lonely, but I don't feel so down about it. Maybe just writing it out helped, I'm not sure, but I am feeling really good about myself. I have sent out resumes all over the country and I still continue to do it. I have been feeling just great.
In fact its been about a week and a half since that blog, and in that time I only wore diapers twice. Once when my plastic pants came in, I'll be writing a review about my cloth diapers soon, and then tonight. I have been in such a good mood that I just don't want to wear.
But tonight I am sitting in my Tena Ultra Stretches and I am a pretty happy guy. Until next time.

Squirtle Waddle

So this week I bought a used Wii for really cheap. I've been playing a lot of Super Smash Bros. That game is awesome. It's been my favorite since I was a kid when I played with my brother on the 64. 

For those of you who don't play it's a fighting game of different Ninenteno characters. With the Wii version they added a story mode. It's the first time that I've played through it and it's pretty sweet. 

As I play Pokemon master, I have to play as Squirtle, which normally I play as Ivysaur. As I play as Squirtle I notice that he waddles. It's kinda funny to imagine him wearing a diaper. :)

Reflection

So this week I have had a lot of time off from work. I spent the majority of it looking over my life and where I am at. I decided that I am gonna share some of my thoughts on here. I find writing it out helps me organize. Warning, this might get very sappy, I haven't really thought this one out too well...

Ok so here it goes. I am alone, in many different ways. All of my friends I had before my internship are either graduated and left or still in school. That means our free time doesn't match up and we are drifting apart. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. Worst of it is my best friend and old roommate is married. I am very happy for him because he waited for her to do a mission, but it's not the same between us now. Even when we do hang out, he always brings his wife. I don't blame him, but it sucks.

When I try to hang out with my coworkers it's hard too. I am their supervisor. They can't get comfortable with me outside of work because of this. There is one girl I work with that has worked their for a long time, long enough that I haven't always been her supervisor. We get along great. She is pregnant and due any day now. Needless to say, we don't hang out much after work.

The next place I would look is Church. But here I run into the same problem, the majority of people are students. Its hard to relate when I am not in classes all the time like they are, and our free time doesn't match up.

All of these problems don't help with the fact that I literally suck at getting to know people. I can't remember names to save my life, because seriously a name says so little about a person. And I usually tend to be defensive when I first meet people. I try to curl up everything that makes me who I am, and it's almost like I am afraid to let them see me. I am very selective with who I open up to, and I have only truly opened up all the way to one person. And because of my weakness I am no longer speaking to said person.

Now for the sappy part. I am alone. All my life I have understood that true happiness cannot be found by yourself. Man is nothing without the woman and woman is nothing without the man. That is the truth that I know and base my life after. Whenever I think about my life goals, I don't think about my career first, I think about my determination to be a good husband and father. But during this week of reflection I had to ask myself will it happen? My whole life I just assumed that one day I would be a father teaches his kids how to life live. But now I doubt it. I don't doubt my desire for that life, but I doubt that I could actually do it. I am a little ashamed to say that I don't know if I could even ask a girl out on a date. If I actually liked a girl enough to ask out, I know I wouldn't. She would be better off without me. I feel too broken and messed up inside, and I don't see how to change it. That is mainly because I don't know where all the brokenness comes from. I don't know why I see myself in such a negative light. I feel, no, know that I'm not good enough. I have forgotten what confidence feels like.

The last thing I want to say is sorry there is nothing about diapers in this one. In fact, this is the first blog I wrote not in diapers. I'm just trying to figure myself out and I thought this would help...

Product Review Abena M4

By far these are now my favorite disposable diapers. Of course they aren't perfect, but definitely the best I've ever worn. 

Here is why. First off they are BIG. They have a bunch of padding, nice thick diapers. Second, that padding is actually functional, making it a very absorbent diaper. It can hold a lot. Third, I actually fit. That was a big problem with the last diapers I tried. 

What I don't like about it is the double tab. After I tried the full length tab on the Tenas I can't understand why every diaper company doesn't do it. It is so much easier to put on and so much more comfortable. 

Another thing I'm trying to get used to is that it is plastic backed. I don't really prefer either plastic backed or cloth backed, for me it's what's in the inside that counts. But this is the first plastic backed diaper that I've worn so just trying to get used to it. 

But ya, this diaper is awesome. I strongly recommend this one. This will be the disposable diaper that I continue to order. 

To you avid readers out there I will be doing a product review of my cloth diaper eventually. I'm waiting for my plastic pants to come in so I can test its absorbency. 

Feeling Daring

Today I got home from work to the surprise that I have no more clean underwear. That means it's time to do laundry. 

Since I haven't diapered in a bit, I decided to diaper up. But since most of my roommates are gone at the moment I decided to do something bold. I'm wearing a diaper with a lava lava over it, nothing else. Big chance someone will notice I'm wearing a diaper

What's life without a little risk right?

Product Review: Tranquility ATN

So when I first tried on this diaper, it just didn't feel right. It's not that it was too small, it just felt wrong. I kept trying to adjust it, but no matter how much I tried I couldn't get it right. It never felt comfortable the whole time I wore it, which is the whole reason I wear. 

I have another issue with this diaper. When I get excited, I don't fit inside the absorbent material and I almost stick out completely. Again, this diaper isn't too small for me around the waist, but I seem to have some sizing problems with it. The packaging says unisex, but I think this diaper is more for women. 

That being said I do want to point out that it is very absorbent. But I won't buy them again. 

Oops

Usually before I write a blog on here I think a lot about what I want to write. Usually I think about it as I shower, or on my way to work, or other quiet times in my life. Since my last post I was thinking about how good my life had been going. How just working one job and getting adequate sleep have lowered my stress levels to the point that I wasn't wearing diapers for a while. I was getting excited about some full time job opportunities in marketing in Denver. 

Denver seems kinda random but there is a very specific reason I would like to live there. A girl. We dated for a short time a while back and we both had quite an impact on each other. Our lives lead us to live in different countries for a while, but we always stayed in contact. We were good friends before we dated and we stayed great friends afterwards too. In fact she is the only person I've told about my, well this. 

So things are looking that I might move to Denver and as I told her about this she got really excited. She talked about all the things we could do together and I started to get excited too. You see I would take this girl back in a heart beat. I was happiest when I was with her, far happier than I have ever been at any other time in my life. And even though she said she just wanted to be friends, it was the way she talked about what we would do when I got there that got me thinking maybe she wanted more too. 

Last night we talked. And it looks like I did just make it all up in my head. She doesn't want me in the same way I want her and it's not like she said anything different, I think that this time I got my head out of the clouds. So now we aren't even friends, we can't be. I have to get over her, which is going to be hard cause I'm really shy. 

Also I can't help but think that my love for diapers played a part in it as well. That she sees me as kinda pathetic. Maybe I am. Because literally right after I got off the phone with her I put my cloth diaper on. 

Diapered and Skyrim

I left the gas station. They have wronged me too many times so I left. It felt very empowering to quit, and I did it double diapered and wet ;)

Now I have a lot of free time on my hand. For example today I got off work at the restaurant around 2:30 pm. I don't have to return to work until 2:30 pm tomorrow. That is a full 24 hours that I don't have to work. Amazing

So I decided to make the best of it. I went to the bank to deposit my last paycheck and picked up my mail from the post office. When I got home I showered and diapered up into what I thought was a new type of Tena. It's just the briefs classic, the same as I used to order. It's ok, but really not that great. I think I'll save these diapers for double diaper days, or shorter time frames. 

I put on one of my lava lavas to cover my diaper and started my laundry. While waiting for my clothes to cycle through, I played one of the greatest games of all time Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If anyone reading this is into RPGs, this one takes the cake. If anyone reading this is also a fan I just wanna say, this time around I'm going all Mage. I started as a High Elf and I went straight to the college of Winterhold after killing the dragon at the watchtower. And right as my clothes were in the dryer I killed Arcano. So ya, good times. 

Now I'm gonna make something light for dinner, I had my main meal of the day at work. Then I'll look online to see if I need to catch up on any of my shows. Then I need to look around for another job, again. O well, at least I'm nice and cozy in a diaper :)

The Waddling Gimp

You avid readers remember how I broke my toe yesterday? Well now I walk with a gimp. It was rough cooking today, things move fast in the kitchen and I wasn't. I ended up just working one station instead of running around like I normally do. 

After work I took a quick nap. After I woke up I got to thinking. You see tonight is my last night at my gas station job. I always work it diapered cause the graveyard shift goes pretty slow. But since it's my last day I decided to go double diapered. I have done it once before and it feels nice to have the extra padding.  

But the extra padding comes with a price. The waddle. With just one diaper on I can walk normal no problem. When I first get it on I have to waddle a little bit until it forms to my body, but then it's no problem. Two diapers, no way can I walk normal. It's just too thick down there. But here is the silver lining to my broken toe, I'm not walking normal, I'm gimping. So I'm waddling and gimping, which just looks like I'm gimping. Yay broken toe!

Some People Found Out

Yesterday was my day off from the restaurant, so I took the time to organize my new packs of diapers and fix my car battery terminals with the parts that came in. As I start going through my box I realize that everything isn't packed in amazons trademark airtight way. I look at the bottom of the box and I see that the amazon tape was ripped but clear tape has been put over it. This reminds me of the weird looks I got when I picked it up from the post office. I though it was because the box was so big...

The problem is that I live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. So these post office workers now know my secret. I like to keep this part of my life private. Only one person knows and they haven't been very supportive of late. Which is why I don't want anyone else knowing. 

At the same time it's not like we are best friends. We are acquaintances at best. So it's not like they are going to ask me the next time I come in, "Hey Lathorium how's those new diapers treating you?" Or "Why do you need adult diapers?" Or anything like that. 

That being said, I still wish they didn't know. 

Switching to Cloth

First off and completely off topic but you should go over to Youtube and check out Robin Skouteris. Awesome mixes of pop music. Very talented

Now back to diapers. Like I said in my last blog my new diapers have come in, including my new cloth diaper. Holy crap was it amazing. I tried it out already and I have decided that I'm making the switch to cloth. I have spent a lot of time reading people's diaper experiences on different forums, mainly Daily Diapers, and the cloth diaper wearers always talk about how much better they are, but I never believed them. Well, IT'S TRUE!

First and foremost, they are reusable. Using disposable diapers I was/am wasting money and filling up landfills. We have limited space on the island and I can feel better about doing my part by wasting less. And while cloth diapers are more expensive to buy, they last way long. You get more bang for your buck. 

The bulk. One of the best feelings at least for me, is all the extra padding between my legs. I always figured that cloth diapers just wouldn't have that same feeling, that it would be more like wearing a bunch of underwear. I was wrong. They definitely still have the diaper feel, even better than disposable for two reasons. First the bulk is cotton, at least for the type I have (I'll do a full review later on once I've had more time with it), making it very comfortable. More comfortable than whatever disposable diapers are made of. Another reason is no clumping of the padding. You see it's hot in Hawaii. This leads to sweating which leads the absorbent material in disposable diapers to clump. This doesn't happen in cloth diapers. 

Of course there is a downside to cloth diapers. If you want to use them for their intended purposes, you need plastic pants. For you non diaper wearers these are like old grandma type underwear, but made of plastic. Cloth diapers take a lot of liquid, but they won't protect anything on the other side if you know what I mean. Think of a towel. Very absorbent, but you can feel the wetness when you touch it. Same thing happens with a cloth diaper which is why plastic pants are needed. 

Another problem that I'm going to have is discretion. I don't live alone, but in a house with a bunch of other guys. I don't even have my own private room. It's hasn't been a problem with disposable, I put them on and take them off in the bathroom and through them away. Easy peasy. But cloth diapers are gonna be a little more difficult to hide. They have to hang dry. So I need to figure that one out. 

Also the cloth diaper doesn't have the magical crinkle. Maybe the plastic pants will...

Last note, any advice from you cloth diaper wears? 

Product Review: Tena Ultra Stretch

Today my shipment came in from amazon with all of my new diapers! I am looking forward to trying all the different types and comparing them. For you diaper wearers out there I am going to list my opinions about them to help you make a decision. 

For my first review I want to talk about Tena Ultra Stretch diapers. These are the ones that I ordered about a month ago. The first thing I noticed about them was the tapes. Most adult diapers have two small tapes on each side. These had one huge tale going down the entire side. At first this made it difficult to put on, but I got used to this minor inconvience. The benefit of this long tape is a stronger hold. For me this isn't really necessary because I only occasionally wet my diaper and when I do it's a light wet. I never flood my diaper and I don't like to mess. 

Another strong point of this diaper is that it is very absorbent. It can hold a lot without leaking. Granted it is a Tena, so you're not gonna get as much as the more expensive brands. For those out there who wear because of physical necessity, I would be cautious about this one.

The biggest pro of all for this diaper is that it is cheap. So for your DLs out there that just want to feel the extra padding and hear that magical crinkle of a disposable diaper, this is a good one for you. 

One big disadvantage of this diaper is the extra long tape itself. If not fastened properly the edge will ct into your leg which is very uncomfortable. This can be avoided pretty easily with practice. 

Overall it's a good diaper for DLs like myself. 

http://www.tena.us/stretch-ultra-briefs/6780267803,en_US,pd.html

... And I'm a Mormon

So how many of you have see these ads? They always start out with somebody saying stuff about their life. Like how they are a CEO of a company, or a single parent, or a student; and then they always end with "...and I'm a Mormon". Well, here is mine. I am a single guy, living in a house with 11 other single guys. I am a cook awaiting and in training for a manager position opening up in a couple months. I studied anthropology in college and I hope to continue on to a Masters. I like to wear adult diapers for comfort and support ... And I'm a Mormon. 

Now before I go to far into this blog I just wanna start off by saying this isn't going to be a preachy blog about my religion. If you genuinely want to know more about it please visit these sites that are officially done by the church:

www.mormon.org

www.lds.org

What I do want to talk about today is what it has been like accepting the desire to wear diapers while being an active, believing member of a conservative Christian religion. 

I was raised in the Mormon church, and my parents taught us great values as kids. If we swore, our mouths were washed out with soap. Good behavior was reinforced by white beans that my mom put in a jar with our names on it. Once we had enough white beans we could get a candy bar. You know things like that. 

I will never forget what happened the first time I wore my PullUps (in case you didn't read from my earlier blog I was a bed wetter) during the day. I did my normal routine of throwing away my old PullUp and I just thought, "Hey I like how these feel more than my underwear, why don't I just wear them during the day too." So I did. At kindergarten no one said anything. After school I started playing some SNES with my brother, and when my sister came home she was the one to notice the back of my PullUp sticking out of my pants. She took me up to my room and told me to take it off. She said, "You don't want to grow up to be a pervert." That stuck with me for a long time. 

All throughout my childhood I didn't really care about what other people thought or even the idea of I would be a pervert if I wore my PullUps. I would wear them any chance I could. If I got caught by an older sibling or a parent I would be punished. Then I was trained to not wet the bed and the PullUps went bye bye. I missed them. But I never thought that the desire to wear them was wrong or that I was a pervert. 

This changed as I started going through puberty. At school they taught us about the biological changes that were happening in our bodies. At church we learned how to safely guard ourselves against the possible dangers of pornorgraphy, adultery, fornication, and other sexual sin. This is when I started to question myself. Am I a pervert for liking diapers? 

I struggled with this question for a long time. As I said in an earlier blog, I lost interest in diapers as a teenager as I developed a relationship with a girl. After she broke my heart I started thinking about diapers, well PullUps since I didn't know there was such a thing as adult sized diapers at the time. While serving a mission in Mexico I saw adult diapers, real adult diapers, sold individually at a drug store! Making up an excuse to my companion that I was buying them as a joke for a friend of mine I started loading some into my basket. I then put them back and just grabbed an entire package. I was so excited! Wearing them to bed in secret every now and then (it ended up being like one diaper a month) that package lasted the last year of my mission. 

After I returned to the mainland, I would buy on and off. Every time I would buy I would splurge and then feel guilty. I felt like a pervert. When I moved out to Hawaii I started to feel more lonely than ever. I gave in and ordered diapers. The support I got from them was amazing, but I felt guilty for enjoying them. I started a relationship and the support I received from her led me to not need the diapers. But I was still wearing them. As I told her about this she made me realize that diapers were like pornography to me. I was wearing them to get aroused. I stopped. 

After a while our lives led us in different directions and I felt alone. Again I bought some diapers and overdid it. I felt guilty and threw the rest of the pack out. Over the next couple months it got worse. I started working two jobs since I finished school and the stress just kept building. Plus it doesn't help that I'm considered old by Mormons to still be single. 

About a month ago I decided enough was enough I needed help and the only help I wanted was adult diapers. I ordered some more and for the first time I don't feel guilty about wearing them. It's because this time around it's like when I was a kid, I just want to wear, not for arousal, but for comfort and support. So for the first time since I was a kid I can wear my diapers in peace without guilt. 

It was a long road. But I have to ask, are there any other diapered Mormons out there?

Road Trip

It's that time of the year again. Christmas trees are out away, decorations are coming down, everyone is realizing how much weight they've gained, life is just returning to normal. 

Part of this return to normality includes all of my friends from the mainland flying back from their stay over the holidays. Normally I would be driving back and forth to the airport like 20 times; but sadly I can't this year. Working my two jobs leave all free time for sleeping. 

Well, yesterday I got a text from a friend asking if I could pick her up today at 4 pm. Lucky for her, I could. I was happy about it for two reasons. One it always feels good to help a friend and two, I absolutely love to drive, especially here. Since it was going to be my only airport run, I decided to make the best of it. 

I got off my cook job at 2:30 pm. I went home to shower and to my surprise my landlord had a plumber come in to fix the good shower in our house. Jackpot. I haven't had a good shower since I myself returned from the mainland about 2 weeks ago. After my refreshing shower I diapered up and got dressed. 

The drive down was super relaxing. I listened to my playlist of jazz and regae and I was in heaven. It was about 80 degrees F all the way down with the sun shinning. Not even a tourist almost crashing into me nor a twenty minute detour could dampen my spirit.

 I had a great drive to the airport. Then a fun drive back as I caught up with a friend. 

Incontinence Scare and 24 Hour Experience

So I am not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but I work two jobs. My main job is working as a cook. The other one is working as a cashier during the graveyard shift at a gas station. The only reason I bring this up know is the fact that my sleep schedule is all screwed up. I just try to sleep whenever I am off work.
So I got home from work yesterday around 6:30 am. I took a shower to relax and get myself ready for bed. After diapering up, I climbed in and was still cold, so I bundled up in my blanket. When I woke up around 1 pm (yesterday was my day off from the Restuarant). I was freaking out. My diaper was WET. I couldn't believe that I wet the bed. I love wearing diapers, but the thought of being incontinent scares me. I do not want to lose that control. As I took off my diaper to jump in the shower, I saw that there was no urine in it, my diaper was wet from sweat. I bundled up the "night" before at 7 am. As the sun came up, it got really warm. I was so relieved.
After that scare I decided to try something I haven't before, go a full 24 hour day in diapers. It started on Wednesday night around 11 pm when I took my shower before going into work. I spent my shift at the gas station in a diaper (I normally wear a diaper at my gas station job. It helps the time go by faster.). The only time I wasn't diapered was when I went to the beach.
All in all, it was nice to be in diapers that long. But it isn't something I will continue to do. The longer I spent in them the more I got used to them. I like my diapered time to be special.

Biggest problem of being diapered in Hawaii

While Hawaii is amazing there are a couple things that make life difficult. Like people asking me what it feels like to be living in a foreign country. Or when I get excited at Foodland (grocery store) because milk is on sale for 5 dollars. Or when it always rains on my day off. 

Well, wearing diaper in Hawaii can be difficult sometimes too. You see I've been wearing diapers on and off for a couple years now. Whenever I wanted some more I would order some Tenas from amazon. They fit my college budget and I got the free shipping that amazon is famous for, even all the way out here. Recently I've gotten a second job and I figured that with my extra money I would upgrade my diapers. Tena is a nice brand, but far from the best. So I did research by asking my fellow DLs (Diaper Lovers) and ABs (Adult Babies) to find the best diaper for I wanted to use it for. The conclusion is that Bambino Diapers are the overall best adult diapers out there. 

I quickly went to their website and found out that they offer free shipping! I ordered a sample pack and put in all my information. At the last step of the check out I see that they have a shipping charge listed. WHAT? I look at the fine print and see that they only offer free shipping on the mainland. So annoying. The shipping for the sample pack, box, and case all cost about the price of the product itself, and these diapers are expensive. Therefore I decided that the only way I would order Bambinos is if I ever go back to live on the mainland. :(

Defeated by Bambino, I searched the web for other brands that I was told were good. As I went to many different adult diaper online stores I ran into the same problem, free shipping was posted but in the small print it always said "Shipping to Alaska and Hawaii not included". 

Almost without hope I turned back to amazon. I should have started there first. I found multiple brands with free shipping, even cloth. I was so excited that I bought three different disposable brands (one new Tena that I haven't tried, Tranquility, and Abena) and a cloth diaper. About 50 diapers in all, spending what it would have cost be to buy 16 Bambinos and have them shipped here. Seriously, why did I even spend those hours looking anywhere else?