Just feel like it

Sorry it's been awhile since I last wrote but this past week has been amazing. Since last week I have spent a lot of time on websites dedicated to mental health, mainly focusing on fighting feelings of insecurity. The steps that I found have been helpful. 

The first step I took was to find the beginning of my insecurities. Find out why and how they started and work on them from the root. I found my main source of insecurity, well at the least the most recent and therefore the easiest to fix, came from a situation I was in back in December. It would take a long time to explain, but basically the problem was I didn't understand, really understand, what the other person involved was going through. Now I am beginning to. And with understanding comes healing. Healing in the fact that it wasn't only my faults that caused the problems, but both of ours. In fact what I used to think was wrong with me I laugh at now. 

The next biggest step I took is actually little steps I have to do multiple times a day. Thought control. Every time a negative thought about myself passes through my mind, I disprove it. This is a constant battle all day long, but it yields great results. 

This third one might get a little preachy, just as a fair warning. This last tool I learned from teaching from my church. In Mormonism we talk about the sin of pride quite a bit. I'm not talking about being proud of your son or daughter doing well in school or whatever. I am talking about look at me I am so much better than you. But that isn't the only face of pride. Self pity is another. Self pity, focusing on your own problems and thinking that they are more important than anyone else's. That pride can be just as self destructive. That is what I was doing. To offset that habit I have started to do one random act of service everyday. That could include giving a roommate a ride to class as I go to work. It's a little out of the way, but it helps take the focus off I of me. Or helping out my boss at her son's school's silent auction. Again, it has helped. 

I have tried other steps and ideas, but these three have worked the best for me. I feel better about myself than I have for some time. I would like to thank my friend, you know who you are, for your support and for the rude awakenings. You helped me more than you can imagine. I would also like to apologize for everything bad I have ever done to you. 

Anyway, like I said I am feeling better than I have for awhile. It has gotten to the point that I wear diaper just because. Like right now, I had a fun time at the auction last night. I had a good day at work today, everything went very smoothly. I got home, showered, and was like, "I feel like diapering up tonight."  I don't feel down or depressed. I was feeling good before I diapered up and I'm feeling good now.