Squirtle Waddle

So this week I bought a used Wii for really cheap. I've been playing a lot of Super Smash Bros. That game is awesome. It's been my favorite since I was a kid when I played with my brother on the 64. 

For those of you who don't play it's a fighting game of different Ninenteno characters. With the Wii version they added a story mode. It's the first time that I've played through it and it's pretty sweet. 

As I play Pokemon master, I have to play as Squirtle, which normally I play as Ivysaur. As I play as Squirtle I notice that he waddles. It's kinda funny to imagine him wearing a diaper. :)

Reflection

So this week I have had a lot of time off from work. I spent the majority of it looking over my life and where I am at. I decided that I am gonna share some of my thoughts on here. I find writing it out helps me organize. Warning, this might get very sappy, I haven't really thought this one out too well...

Ok so here it goes. I am alone, in many different ways. All of my friends I had before my internship are either graduated and left or still in school. That means our free time doesn't match up and we are drifting apart. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. Worst of it is my best friend and old roommate is married. I am very happy for him because he waited for her to do a mission, but it's not the same between us now. Even when we do hang out, he always brings his wife. I don't blame him, but it sucks.

When I try to hang out with my coworkers it's hard too. I am their supervisor. They can't get comfortable with me outside of work because of this. There is one girl I work with that has worked their for a long time, long enough that I haven't always been her supervisor. We get along great. She is pregnant and due any day now. Needless to say, we don't hang out much after work.

The next place I would look is Church. But here I run into the same problem, the majority of people are students. Its hard to relate when I am not in classes all the time like they are, and our free time doesn't match up.

All of these problems don't help with the fact that I literally suck at getting to know people. I can't remember names to save my life, because seriously a name says so little about a person. And I usually tend to be defensive when I first meet people. I try to curl up everything that makes me who I am, and it's almost like I am afraid to let them see me. I am very selective with who I open up to, and I have only truly opened up all the way to one person. And because of my weakness I am no longer speaking to said person.

Now for the sappy part. I am alone. All my life I have understood that true happiness cannot be found by yourself. Man is nothing without the woman and woman is nothing without the man. That is the truth that I know and base my life after. Whenever I think about my life goals, I don't think about my career first, I think about my determination to be a good husband and father. But during this week of reflection I had to ask myself will it happen? My whole life I just assumed that one day I would be a father teaches his kids how to life live. But now I doubt it. I don't doubt my desire for that life, but I doubt that I could actually do it. I am a little ashamed to say that I don't know if I could even ask a girl out on a date. If I actually liked a girl enough to ask out, I know I wouldn't. She would be better off without me. I feel too broken and messed up inside, and I don't see how to change it. That is mainly because I don't know where all the brokenness comes from. I don't know why I see myself in such a negative light. I feel, no, know that I'm not good enough. I have forgotten what confidence feels like.

The last thing I want to say is sorry there is nothing about diapers in this one. In fact, this is the first blog I wrote not in diapers. I'm just trying to figure myself out and I thought this would help...

Product Review Abena M4

By far these are now my favorite disposable diapers. Of course they aren't perfect, but definitely the best I've ever worn. 

Here is why. First off they are BIG. They have a bunch of padding, nice thick diapers. Second, that padding is actually functional, making it a very absorbent diaper. It can hold a lot. Third, I actually fit. That was a big problem with the last diapers I tried. 

What I don't like about it is the double tab. After I tried the full length tab on the Tenas I can't understand why every diaper company doesn't do it. It is so much easier to put on and so much more comfortable. 

Another thing I'm trying to get used to is that it is plastic backed. I don't really prefer either plastic backed or cloth backed, for me it's what's in the inside that counts. But this is the first plastic backed diaper that I've worn so just trying to get used to it. 

But ya, this diaper is awesome. I strongly recommend this one. This will be the disposable diaper that I continue to order. 

To you avid readers out there I will be doing a product review of my cloth diaper eventually. I'm waiting for my plastic pants to come in so I can test its absorbency. 

Feeling Daring

Today I got home from work to the surprise that I have no more clean underwear. That means it's time to do laundry. 

Since I haven't diapered in a bit, I decided to diaper up. But since most of my roommates are gone at the moment I decided to do something bold. I'm wearing a diaper with a lava lava over it, nothing else. Big chance someone will notice I'm wearing a diaper

What's life without a little risk right?

Product Review: Tranquility ATN

So when I first tried on this diaper, it just didn't feel right. It's not that it was too small, it just felt wrong. I kept trying to adjust it, but no matter how much I tried I couldn't get it right. It never felt comfortable the whole time I wore it, which is the whole reason I wear. 

I have another issue with this diaper. When I get excited, I don't fit inside the absorbent material and I almost stick out completely. Again, this diaper isn't too small for me around the waist, but I seem to have some sizing problems with it. The packaging says unisex, but I think this diaper is more for women. 

That being said I do want to point out that it is very absorbent. But I won't buy them again. 

Oops

Usually before I write a blog on here I think a lot about what I want to write. Usually I think about it as I shower, or on my way to work, or other quiet times in my life. Since my last post I was thinking about how good my life had been going. How just working one job and getting adequate sleep have lowered my stress levels to the point that I wasn't wearing diapers for a while. I was getting excited about some full time job opportunities in marketing in Denver. 

Denver seems kinda random but there is a very specific reason I would like to live there. A girl. We dated for a short time a while back and we both had quite an impact on each other. Our lives lead us to live in different countries for a while, but we always stayed in contact. We were good friends before we dated and we stayed great friends afterwards too. In fact she is the only person I've told about my, well this. 

So things are looking that I might move to Denver and as I told her about this she got really excited. She talked about all the things we could do together and I started to get excited too. You see I would take this girl back in a heart beat. I was happiest when I was with her, far happier than I have ever been at any other time in my life. And even though she said she just wanted to be friends, it was the way she talked about what we would do when I got there that got me thinking maybe she wanted more too. 

Last night we talked. And it looks like I did just make it all up in my head. She doesn't want me in the same way I want her and it's not like she said anything different, I think that this time I got my head out of the clouds. So now we aren't even friends, we can't be. I have to get over her, which is going to be hard cause I'm really shy. 

Also I can't help but think that my love for diapers played a part in it as well. That she sees me as kinda pathetic. Maybe I am. Because literally right after I got off the phone with her I put my cloth diaper on. 

Diapered and Skyrim

I left the gas station. They have wronged me too many times so I left. It felt very empowering to quit, and I did it double diapered and wet ;)

Now I have a lot of free time on my hand. For example today I got off work at the restaurant around 2:30 pm. I don't have to return to work until 2:30 pm tomorrow. That is a full 24 hours that I don't have to work. Amazing

So I decided to make the best of it. I went to the bank to deposit my last paycheck and picked up my mail from the post office. When I got home I showered and diapered up into what I thought was a new type of Tena. It's just the briefs classic, the same as I used to order. It's ok, but really not that great. I think I'll save these diapers for double diaper days, or shorter time frames. 

I put on one of my lava lavas to cover my diaper and started my laundry. While waiting for my clothes to cycle through, I played one of the greatest games of all time Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If anyone reading this is into RPGs, this one takes the cake. If anyone reading this is also a fan I just wanna say, this time around I'm going all Mage. I started as a High Elf and I went straight to the college of Winterhold after killing the dragon at the watchtower. And right as my clothes were in the dryer I killed Arcano. So ya, good times. 

Now I'm gonna make something light for dinner, I had my main meal of the day at work. Then I'll look online to see if I need to catch up on any of my shows. Then I need to look around for another job, again. O well, at least I'm nice and cozy in a diaper :)

The Waddling Gimp

You avid readers remember how I broke my toe yesterday? Well now I walk with a gimp. It was rough cooking today, things move fast in the kitchen and I wasn't. I ended up just working one station instead of running around like I normally do. 

After work I took a quick nap. After I woke up I got to thinking. You see tonight is my last night at my gas station job. I always work it diapered cause the graveyard shift goes pretty slow. But since it's my last day I decided to go double diapered. I have done it once before and it feels nice to have the extra padding.  

But the extra padding comes with a price. The waddle. With just one diaper on I can walk normal no problem. When I first get it on I have to waddle a little bit until it forms to my body, but then it's no problem. Two diapers, no way can I walk normal. It's just too thick down there. But here is the silver lining to my broken toe, I'm not walking normal, I'm gimping. So I'm waddling and gimping, which just looks like I'm gimping. Yay broken toe!

Some People Found Out

Yesterday was my day off from the restaurant, so I took the time to organize my new packs of diapers and fix my car battery terminals with the parts that came in. As I start going through my box I realize that everything isn't packed in amazons trademark airtight way. I look at the bottom of the box and I see that the amazon tape was ripped but clear tape has been put over it. This reminds me of the weird looks I got when I picked it up from the post office. I though it was because the box was so big...

The problem is that I live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. So these post office workers now know my secret. I like to keep this part of my life private. Only one person knows and they haven't been very supportive of late. Which is why I don't want anyone else knowing. 

At the same time it's not like we are best friends. We are acquaintances at best. So it's not like they are going to ask me the next time I come in, "Hey Lathorium how's those new diapers treating you?" Or "Why do you need adult diapers?" Or anything like that. 

That being said, I still wish they didn't know. 

Switching to Cloth

First off and completely off topic but you should go over to Youtube and check out Robin Skouteris. Awesome mixes of pop music. Very talented

Now back to diapers. Like I said in my last blog my new diapers have come in, including my new cloth diaper. Holy crap was it amazing. I tried it out already and I have decided that I'm making the switch to cloth. I have spent a lot of time reading people's diaper experiences on different forums, mainly Daily Diapers, and the cloth diaper wearers always talk about how much better they are, but I never believed them. Well, IT'S TRUE!

First and foremost, they are reusable. Using disposable diapers I was/am wasting money and filling up landfills. We have limited space on the island and I can feel better about doing my part by wasting less. And while cloth diapers are more expensive to buy, they last way long. You get more bang for your buck. 

The bulk. One of the best feelings at least for me, is all the extra padding between my legs. I always figured that cloth diapers just wouldn't have that same feeling, that it would be more like wearing a bunch of underwear. I was wrong. They definitely still have the diaper feel, even better than disposable for two reasons. First the bulk is cotton, at least for the type I have (I'll do a full review later on once I've had more time with it), making it very comfortable. More comfortable than whatever disposable diapers are made of. Another reason is no clumping of the padding. You see it's hot in Hawaii. This leads to sweating which leads the absorbent material in disposable diapers to clump. This doesn't happen in cloth diapers. 

Of course there is a downside to cloth diapers. If you want to use them for their intended purposes, you need plastic pants. For you non diaper wearers these are like old grandma type underwear, but made of plastic. Cloth diapers take a lot of liquid, but they won't protect anything on the other side if you know what I mean. Think of a towel. Very absorbent, but you can feel the wetness when you touch it. Same thing happens with a cloth diaper which is why plastic pants are needed. 

Another problem that I'm going to have is discretion. I don't live alone, but in a house with a bunch of other guys. I don't even have my own private room. It's hasn't been a problem with disposable, I put them on and take them off in the bathroom and through them away. Easy peasy. But cloth diapers are gonna be a little more difficult to hide. They have to hang dry. So I need to figure that one out. 

Also the cloth diaper doesn't have the magical crinkle. Maybe the plastic pants will...

Last note, any advice from you cloth diaper wears? 

Product Review: Tena Ultra Stretch

Today my shipment came in from amazon with all of my new diapers! I am looking forward to trying all the different types and comparing them. For you diaper wearers out there I am going to list my opinions about them to help you make a decision. 

For my first review I want to talk about Tena Ultra Stretch diapers. These are the ones that I ordered about a month ago. The first thing I noticed about them was the tapes. Most adult diapers have two small tapes on each side. These had one huge tale going down the entire side. At first this made it difficult to put on, but I got used to this minor inconvience. The benefit of this long tape is a stronger hold. For me this isn't really necessary because I only occasionally wet my diaper and when I do it's a light wet. I never flood my diaper and I don't like to mess. 

Another strong point of this diaper is that it is very absorbent. It can hold a lot without leaking. Granted it is a Tena, so you're not gonna get as much as the more expensive brands. For those out there who wear because of physical necessity, I would be cautious about this one.

The biggest pro of all for this diaper is that it is cheap. So for your DLs out there that just want to feel the extra padding and hear that magical crinkle of a disposable diaper, this is a good one for you. 

One big disadvantage of this diaper is the extra long tape itself. If not fastened properly the edge will ct into your leg which is very uncomfortable. This can be avoided pretty easily with practice. 

Overall it's a good diaper for DLs like myself. 

http://www.tena.us/stretch-ultra-briefs/6780267803,en_US,pd.html

... And I'm a Mormon

So how many of you have see these ads? They always start out with somebody saying stuff about their life. Like how they are a CEO of a company, or a single parent, or a student; and then they always end with "...and I'm a Mormon". Well, here is mine. I am a single guy, living in a house with 11 other single guys. I am a cook awaiting and in training for a manager position opening up in a couple months. I studied anthropology in college and I hope to continue on to a Masters. I like to wear adult diapers for comfort and support ... And I'm a Mormon. 

Now before I go to far into this blog I just wanna start off by saying this isn't going to be a preachy blog about my religion. If you genuinely want to know more about it please visit these sites that are officially done by the church:

www.mormon.org

www.lds.org

What I do want to talk about today is what it has been like accepting the desire to wear diapers while being an active, believing member of a conservative Christian religion. 

I was raised in the Mormon church, and my parents taught us great values as kids. If we swore, our mouths were washed out with soap. Good behavior was reinforced by white beans that my mom put in a jar with our names on it. Once we had enough white beans we could get a candy bar. You know things like that. 

I will never forget what happened the first time I wore my PullUps (in case you didn't read from my earlier blog I was a bed wetter) during the day. I did my normal routine of throwing away my old PullUp and I just thought, "Hey I like how these feel more than my underwear, why don't I just wear them during the day too." So I did. At kindergarten no one said anything. After school I started playing some SNES with my brother, and when my sister came home she was the one to notice the back of my PullUp sticking out of my pants. She took me up to my room and told me to take it off. She said, "You don't want to grow up to be a pervert." That stuck with me for a long time. 

All throughout my childhood I didn't really care about what other people thought or even the idea of I would be a pervert if I wore my PullUps. I would wear them any chance I could. If I got caught by an older sibling or a parent I would be punished. Then I was trained to not wet the bed and the PullUps went bye bye. I missed them. But I never thought that the desire to wear them was wrong or that I was a pervert. 

This changed as I started going through puberty. At school they taught us about the biological changes that were happening in our bodies. At church we learned how to safely guard ourselves against the possible dangers of pornorgraphy, adultery, fornication, and other sexual sin. This is when I started to question myself. Am I a pervert for liking diapers? 

I struggled with this question for a long time. As I said in an earlier blog, I lost interest in diapers as a teenager as I developed a relationship with a girl. After she broke my heart I started thinking about diapers, well PullUps since I didn't know there was such a thing as adult sized diapers at the time. While serving a mission in Mexico I saw adult diapers, real adult diapers, sold individually at a drug store! Making up an excuse to my companion that I was buying them as a joke for a friend of mine I started loading some into my basket. I then put them back and just grabbed an entire package. I was so excited! Wearing them to bed in secret every now and then (it ended up being like one diaper a month) that package lasted the last year of my mission. 

After I returned to the mainland, I would buy on and off. Every time I would buy I would splurge and then feel guilty. I felt like a pervert. When I moved out to Hawaii I started to feel more lonely than ever. I gave in and ordered diapers. The support I got from them was amazing, but I felt guilty for enjoying them. I started a relationship and the support I received from her led me to not need the diapers. But I was still wearing them. As I told her about this she made me realize that diapers were like pornography to me. I was wearing them to get aroused. I stopped. 

After a while our lives led us in different directions and I felt alone. Again I bought some diapers and overdid it. I felt guilty and threw the rest of the pack out. Over the next couple months it got worse. I started working two jobs since I finished school and the stress just kept building. Plus it doesn't help that I'm considered old by Mormons to still be single. 

About a month ago I decided enough was enough I needed help and the only help I wanted was adult diapers. I ordered some more and for the first time I don't feel guilty about wearing them. It's because this time around it's like when I was a kid, I just want to wear, not for arousal, but for comfort and support. So for the first time since I was a kid I can wear my diapers in peace without guilt. 

It was a long road. But I have to ask, are there any other diapered Mormons out there?

Road Trip

It's that time of the year again. Christmas trees are out away, decorations are coming down, everyone is realizing how much weight they've gained, life is just returning to normal. 

Part of this return to normality includes all of my friends from the mainland flying back from their stay over the holidays. Normally I would be driving back and forth to the airport like 20 times; but sadly I can't this year. Working my two jobs leave all free time for sleeping. 

Well, yesterday I got a text from a friend asking if I could pick her up today at 4 pm. Lucky for her, I could. I was happy about it for two reasons. One it always feels good to help a friend and two, I absolutely love to drive, especially here. Since it was going to be my only airport run, I decided to make the best of it. 

I got off my cook job at 2:30 pm. I went home to shower and to my surprise my landlord had a plumber come in to fix the good shower in our house. Jackpot. I haven't had a good shower since I myself returned from the mainland about 2 weeks ago. After my refreshing shower I diapered up and got dressed. 

The drive down was super relaxing. I listened to my playlist of jazz and regae and I was in heaven. It was about 80 degrees F all the way down with the sun shinning. Not even a tourist almost crashing into me nor a twenty minute detour could dampen my spirit.

 I had a great drive to the airport. Then a fun drive back as I caught up with a friend. 

Incontinence Scare and 24 Hour Experience

So I am not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but I work two jobs. My main job is working as a cook. The other one is working as a cashier during the graveyard shift at a gas station. The only reason I bring this up know is the fact that my sleep schedule is all screwed up. I just try to sleep whenever I am off work.
So I got home from work yesterday around 6:30 am. I took a shower to relax and get myself ready for bed. After diapering up, I climbed in and was still cold, so I bundled up in my blanket. When I woke up around 1 pm (yesterday was my day off from the Restuarant). I was freaking out. My diaper was WET. I couldn't believe that I wet the bed. I love wearing diapers, but the thought of being incontinent scares me. I do not want to lose that control. As I took off my diaper to jump in the shower, I saw that there was no urine in it, my diaper was wet from sweat. I bundled up the "night" before at 7 am. As the sun came up, it got really warm. I was so relieved.
After that scare I decided to try something I haven't before, go a full 24 hour day in diapers. It started on Wednesday night around 11 pm when I took my shower before going into work. I spent my shift at the gas station in a diaper (I normally wear a diaper at my gas station job. It helps the time go by faster.). The only time I wasn't diapered was when I went to the beach.
All in all, it was nice to be in diapers that long. But it isn't something I will continue to do. The longer I spent in them the more I got used to them. I like my diapered time to be special.

Biggest problem of being diapered in Hawaii

While Hawaii is amazing there are a couple things that make life difficult. Like people asking me what it feels like to be living in a foreign country. Or when I get excited at Foodland (grocery store) because milk is on sale for 5 dollars. Or when it always rains on my day off. 

Well, wearing diaper in Hawaii can be difficult sometimes too. You see I've been wearing diapers on and off for a couple years now. Whenever I wanted some more I would order some Tenas from amazon. They fit my college budget and I got the free shipping that amazon is famous for, even all the way out here. Recently I've gotten a second job and I figured that with my extra money I would upgrade my diapers. Tena is a nice brand, but far from the best. So I did research by asking my fellow DLs (Diaper Lovers) and ABs (Adult Babies) to find the best diaper for I wanted to use it for. The conclusion is that Bambino Diapers are the overall best adult diapers out there. 

I quickly went to their website and found out that they offer free shipping! I ordered a sample pack and put in all my information. At the last step of the check out I see that they have a shipping charge listed. WHAT? I look at the fine print and see that they only offer free shipping on the mainland. So annoying. The shipping for the sample pack, box, and case all cost about the price of the product itself, and these diapers are expensive. Therefore I decided that the only way I would order Bambinos is if I ever go back to live on the mainland. :(

Defeated by Bambino, I searched the web for other brands that I was told were good. As I went to many different adult diaper online stores I ran into the same problem, free shipping was posted but in the small print it always said "Shipping to Alaska and Hawaii not included". 

Almost without hope I turned back to amazon. I should have started there first. I found multiple brands with free shipping, even cloth. I was so excited that I bought three different disposable brands (one new Tena that I haven't tried, Tranquility, and Abena) and a cloth diaper. About 50 diapers in all, spending what it would have cost be to buy 16 Bambinos and have them shipped here. Seriously, why did I even spend those hours looking anywhere else?